Pirates.

I've been in the mood for a good pirate romance. Pirates by Linda Lael Miller has time travel and pirates? It shows up on a best pirate romance book list? It got decent customer reviews on Amazon? (click here) Sign me up! First off let me say that my expectations for this book were really high. I was craving something wonderful; a love story with a sexy swashbuckling hero (I'm looking at you Capt. Jack Sparrow) and some high seas adventure. I'm a pirate fanatic for shit's sake. I love pirates. I don't care that in reality they were grimy and liked to drink all the time. Doesn't matter one iota. So what if they were a rough and tumble lot? I want one. I need one. I didn't get one with this book. Was I reading the same book that got 4 out of 5 stars on Amazon? People what is your criteria for a good pirate romance? I must be working off of a different list of requirements here. I thought this book was awful. I'm sorry to all the fans of it. I'm glad you like it. To people that want to read it...well go for it and I wish you better results.

The Short: Phoebe is recently divorced, jobless, dog-less, family-less. She gets a flyer in the mail to come to the Caribbean and check out condos. She goes. She reads about Duncan Rourke on the flight. After she's there she has to dress up like a wench. She gets in the elevator to go downstairs and ends up in 1780. Duncan is a notorious pirate fighting for America's independence in the Revolutionary War. He finds Phoebe in his basement and thinks she's a spy. He locks her in a room. Old Woman (Yes her name really is Old Woman because her real name connotes a powerful spell! Don't laugh. I'm serious.) has been predicting Phoebe's arrival but no one believes her. She basically says that they're going to get married and have a ton of babies. Duncan discovers Phoebe's watch and purse. Inside her purse is some U.S.A. currency, a tampon, credit cards, etc. Duncan starts to think that Phoebe isn't a spy after all. He goes to sea. He's gone for an indeterminable length of time. His best friend gets shot. Duncan comes home. Phoebe convinces Old Woman to help her leave the island. She flees and gets a job at a pub. Duncan comes to rescue her. Phoebe realizes that she is in love with Duncan. Duncan and Phoebe get it on. They go back to Duncan's hideaway island. At some point (its foggy as to when) Old Woman tells Phoebe her name, although Phoebe obviously has diarrhea of the mouth and saying Old Woman's name is "big magic" when spoken aloud. Phoebe and Duncan get married. Duncan "can't live without" Phoebe. Back in present time a woman buys a copy of "Duncan Rourke, Pirate or Patriot?" and reads the ending of the book; this lets us in on what happens to Pheebs and Dunc.

I guess the main thing that really ruined this book for me was the fact that Phoebe decided she was in love with Duncan and they hadn't really even spent any time together. Umm...she has this great revelation on page 80; up to that point there had been no indication that they were even in each other's company long enough to form a tenuous bond, let alone an all-consuming love! Totally unbelievable. I usually am not swayed into liking/disliking a book by its plot. I'm a character girl and everyone knows it. The characters weren't even enough to redeem this one. Phoebe is a blech character. She has "nothing" in her own time...so she takes a free vacation to look at condos? That's a good choice. That's what I would do in her situation. Definitely. She says the wrong thing and then immediately regrets it and acts like a child. She's obnoxious and weepy. Duncan isn't an appealing guy either. He's not far behind Phoebe. He cries because of Phoebe sprouting off psychobabblebullshit on several occasions. I love a secretly-sensitive-tough-as-nails guy as much as the next girl. Too bad Duncan wasn't one of those. He was only pretending to be for the first 20 pages.

I realize that this is an older book. However, 15 years shouldn't make for such notable awkwardness. Phoebe is really good for making little comments referencing "her time." Ho boy! Those comments show their age. The author knows no moderation. She should've (at the very least) made her heroine a little smarter and less stereotypical. The woman talks about Kathy Lee Gifford and never shuts up! From start to finish this book reads like a bad made for t.v. movie based on a really horrendous soap opera. It was so awful that I actually laughed out loud at the really ridiculous parts. The writing tries very hard to be heavy and lyrical and full of hidden meanings (seriously there is at least one poorly disguised metaphor per page) but it reads like a crazy rant hell-bent on being philosophical.

I feel bad for dogging this book and having nothing positive to say about it. Many people like it; I would've liked to join their secret club. This breaks the mold for me...I rarely dislike a book so much that I end up skimming over large chunks of it. I don't even know if "skimming" is the right word for what I did with this novel. Maybe "flew over the pages looking for something worth reading" is a more apt description. I'm so disappointed. Am I possibly mixed up here? Is there another book by the same title/author that is often mistaken for this one? Did I read the wrong one? If so, can I borrow someone else's copy?

Final Grade: F.

First 3 in L.K. Hathaway Series.

I'm posting this review since I've recently finished the Hathaway series. Cam, Merripen, Leo, Harry, Christopher. Each magically delicious in his own right. How's a girl to choose? Oh! That's right. (smacking forehead) She's not. She's supposed to hoard them all to herself and snarl at anybody who glances in their direction. I've fallen in love with each Kleypas hero that I've read, in this series and out. I can't help but gush about them (the books, not the heroes. Okay the heroes too.)

If you're just starting this series some background info: The Hathaways have recently become aristocrats. They're red-blooded, bold, and rife with chaos.

Mine Till Midnight is one of my favorite of the series as well as a must read historical romance. (here = Amazon) Amelia has her work cut out for her. She's trying to abide by the rules of the ton, keep her older brother Leo out of trouble, watch out for her sickly sister Win, and run riot on the two youngest children Poppy and Beatrix. She was jilted by her fiancé for another woman, and she has NO desire to fall in love again. While searching the slums of London for her no-good brother with Merripen, Amelia meets Cam Rohan. Cam is a half-breed Gypsy who believes inherently in fate, luck, and getting what he wants. He is immediately intrigued by the tiny and fierce Amelia. She's everything that should be beckoning him to run as fast as he can back to his unconventional Gypsy roots. Instead he kisses her, steals her bonnet ribbon, and sends her on her way. He's never going to see her again. Right? Wrong. Fate has just handed poor little old Cam a wild card. They're reunited in an unlikely place and start a tenuous friendship...then become lovers. It's hard to describe the relationship between Cam and Amelia; it's almost as if you don't notice it developing because the advances are so subtle. Cam steamrolls along with complete disregard and Amelia slowly melts under the pressure. As a couple Amelia and Cam have some adorable habits. They're lovable. The characters are what sealed the deal on this one. I don't want to blahblahblah about Cam, but he's so sexy. I can't help myself. It's 1848. He has a tattoo, a diamond stud in his ear, and wears rings on his thumb and pinkie. He has a good luck curse, which is totally adorable. Did I mention that he's tall, dark, and dangerous? Yummy. Amelia is controlling, gentle, and independent to a fault; she isn't sure how to juggle everything when her family is falling apart. She doesn't really want a partner to help shoulder the burden. She can do everything herself, seeing as how she's the best at picking up pieces.

Final Grade: A.

Seduce Me at Sunrise (Amazon here) carries on the tradition of wonderful Kleypas characters. I know many many women think Merripen is the be-all-end-all  of heroes. I liked Merripen. I did, but he wasn't Cam. Or Leo. Merripen is the gentle giant with a hot temper and fierce loyalty. Delicious in his own way, but more subtle than what I'm crazy for. Win is a "fragile" recovered invalid. She's been in love with Merripen since they were children. Merripen returns her feelings but refuses to act on them. Amelia goes away with Leo to recover from a bout of scarlet fever, when she returns she's a new person and has a suitor. Unfortunately her absence, while it healed her immensely, has had a profound effect of her beloved Merripen. The love story develops and adds a new dimension to their already enviable friendship. Of course it isn't as easy-peasy as it sounds. Merripen (Kev to Win) is sure that he is totally wrong for Win and she needs to be absolutely coddled. Win thinks that it's her only life to live and she wants to live it to the fullest...with Kev tagging along. The fact that Kev thinks he isn't good enough for her is the central conflict and it isn't easily resolved. Win is willing to fight for Merripen and she does. This book focuses less on getting to know the Hathaways as a family. I liked that about it. The characters are the kind that stick with you; this is a tender heart-felt love story. Merripen and Win are obviously perfect for each other even while they're struggling with the idea. They have a firm foundation in their friendship. Oh yeah, did I mention that I fell in love with Kev on page 9?

Final Grade: A. 

Tempt Me at Twilight (Amazon here) is my among my favorite historical romance novels. Harry made it to my  boyfriend list (as did Leo and Cam, sorry Merripen!) although that isn't saying much. I have a substantial boyfriend list. To start off let me say that I expected this to be my least favorite of the series. It wasn't. I love surprises like that. Harry is an odd duck. He's eccentric. Poppy is charming, intelligent, and outgoing. She has her heart set on another man when she encounters Harry Rutledge. Harry will do anything to have her, and I mean anything, including dispatching the guy who has been courting her all season. He is a very bad boy. I love him. He loves Poppy. Drat. Some people may not like this particular installment because the development of the relationship isn't overt. You feel/see it rather read it outright. Harry is the quintessential "wants to be cuddled but doesn't know it" guy. My personal favorite. They're a balanced couple. Harry is ruthless, Poppy is generous. His love for her is tangible. You know when you read a good book you start to feel like you KNOW the characters? Like you could call them up on the telly and see how the kids are doing? That's how this book was for me. I'm ready to go to the Rutledge hotel and visit. Eat some cookies, drink some tea, ogle the husband. Possibly kill the wife and console the husband. Who knows?

Final Grade: A.

All three of these books have the signature humor Lisa Kleypas fans crave and the wonderful characters we've come to expect. These books are all sitting pretty on my "keeper" shelf. Start at the beginning. You won't regret it. 

Some Like it Wicked.

Yeah girl. Me too. I like it wicked and I'm suitably impressed with this romance. I hadn't ever picked up a Teresa Medeiros book. I'm asking myself "why not?" and drawing a blank. As an initiation Some Like it Wicked worked for me. Yes, I love the book because I love the hero. Get used to it, ladies and gents. I have a weakness for witty rogues, I mean...who doesn't? I enjoyed the snappy dialog and Mr. Wescott's double entendres. Yum yum. I found myself re-reading certain passages simply because I thought they were adorable/hilarious. Once I realized that there were going to be many many examples of this I started marking the pages with my sticky notes. I'm counting them now. 1...6...17. I have 17 tabs in this 372 page book. I probably would've had more if my mind had been on the task of marking, instead of absorbed in reading "one more chapter." I'm always going to read "one more chapter" then...bam! I'm reading the epilogue at 5 in the morning.

Simon Wescott is on my boyfriend list. Why? Because he says things like: "I'll have you know that I stopped trifling with married women years ago. They had an annoying habit of falling in love with me and insisting on divorcing their husbands." He can also be sweet. Simon is actually (newly) credited with one of my all-time favorite examples of drunken tenderness: "Goodnight Mrs. Wescott," he whispered into her hair. "I hope all of your dreams are of me." And am I the only one who thinks it's irresistible that he is totally and utterly befuddled by being outsmarted by a woman. I could quote and quote and quote, but I can't very well reprint the book here. You'll have to read it. (Amazon here) I liked Catriona, she puts Simon in his place and is just as quick (if not quicker) than he is with scathing/witty/sarcastic remarks. Simon, you guys know how I feel about Simon. I liked Kieran (a Highlander) immensely. I want him to a have a book of his own. Alice, the spoiled bitch, needs to be beheaded, or at the very least thrown from a carriage while traveling at a "breakneck" speed.

The short of it: Catriona lives with her Scottish (turned English) uncle, his spoiled bitch of a daughter, and his out of touch wife. She first meets Simon (and begins her headlong tumble into love) at age 15 when he is about to seal the deal with aforementioned spoiled bitch. 5 years later she wants to go home to the Scottish Highlands to reunite her clan, but her uncle refuses and has all intentions of marrying her off. Catriona storms Newgate and makes a deal with Simon so that she doesn't end up wed and unable to fulfill her dream. Simon and Catriona succeed in ruining her reputation (hilarious scene, by the way) and are "forced" to Gretna Green for a quick and quiet wedding. They take off for the Highlands. The rest...well, suffice it to say that it's entertaining (albeit a tad predictable) and definitely worth reading. Trust me.

Final Grade: A.

Wicked Game. WVMP book 1.

I'm a little vampire'd out. Ya dig? After the Twilight explosion everything was about vampires or werewolves (but usually vamps) so now I just want the vampires to be really well written or go away. Just for a while. Please. In my exhaustion I've been steering clear of vampire romances. Wicked Game (click here to go to Amazon) is about vampires. Actually, it's about vampires running a radio station. Hold on. I know what you're thinking. I'm happy to report that this isn't nearly as dreadful silly as it sounds. One of the main things that gets on my nerves, with the torrents of vamp romance flooding the literary scene, is all of the different "legends" surrounding mythical creatures. (Don't worry Raphael. I'm talking to you too Wrath. No, I don't really think you're just a legend. What Alban? Of course I don't think gargoyles are mythical either...but I had to say that or people would think I was crazy.) I liked this take on vampires. It wasn't conventional. It was a little far-fetched. Most importantly, it was not annoying.

Short Synopsis: Ciara (Kear-ah, not See-air-ah. Get it right.) is a (sorta) reformed con-artist who lands a job at WMMP radio station. The station manager has hopes of increasing revenue so that the station isn't bought out by the evil Skyware Corporation. Ciara discovers that the DJ's for WMMP are actually vampires who are stuck (mentally, musically...errr, fashion-ally) in the time period during which they became undead. Shane McAllister is a gorgeous grunge boy. (He was turned in 1995, duh!) There is also a Rastafarian, a greaser, a goth, a blues man (à la Muddy Waters), and a hippie. Each character is representative of an important musical era and has a show dedicated to said era. Follow Me? Ciara gets Shane into bed. Shane bites Ciara, which seals her belief in vampires. She decides to keep the job and comes up with a new marketing strategy. The DJ's admit to being vampires. The radio station becomes WVMP, "The Life-blood of Rock and Roll." Ad sales go through the roof. An ancient vamp cult doesn't like the publicity (even though the public is convinced the pitch is exactly that and nothing more) and sets out to bully Ciara and the vamps into pulling the plug on their new campaign. Add in some stuff with a paramilitary group who kill bad vamps and help nice ones, Ciara's long lost daddy-dearest (another grifter, yay!), some semi-erotic sex, and what do you get? A good read, that's what.

Jeri Smith-Ready did a good job on her characters; the plot moves along at a comfy pace. Will I read the sequel? Of course. And all of the other books from this series. I even liked the "playlist" (there are a ton of musical references, a lot of which I wasn't familiar with) enough to go to the author's website and listen to get a better impression of the station. I wish we saw more of Monroe (blues guy) because I think he's interesting and I like that kind of music. Hopefully he comes out to play a little more in the sequels. The feeding routine of the vamps made me a little squinchy. I'm a romance addict. I don't want the vampire hero to perform sexual acts on a donor so that he can drink their blood! Squinch squinch squinch. I want him to fall madly in love with the heroine and bite only her! This isn't that kind of book; it's more urban fantasy with a side of romance than vice versa. Most people wouldn't have a problem with that, but...I like my happily ever afters tied up with a nice little bow. There was no bow here.

Final Grade: B.

Savor the Moment.

I was relatively excited (i.e. really excited) when Nora Roberts came out with her Bride Quartet. I own everything Ms. Roberts has written; I re-read them regularly. Straight romance from one of my favorites? Sign me up, thanks. Usually when I'm being presented with a group of characters I automatically pick out favorites. I know that I am not the only one so stop giving me that haughty look. Mac was up first. Great. I loved Carter. Yes. Dr. Carter Maguire is on my fake boyfriend list. I would snatch him up and never bat an eyelash while lying about how I acquired my very own klutzy English professor. The sexy, klutzy, nerd is (and has always been) one of my favorite types of hero. Carter happens to be my favorite of the favored sexy nerds. Dr. MacAllister Booke is a close runner-up. Oh hell. They're tied. I loved Vision in White. It’s an A+ book. Right off the top of my head I can't point out a single thing that I didn't like. Emma and Jack? Yup. Loved them too. Actually I loved them more. Emma is my favorite of the quartet so far. Jack? Simply put, Jack is yummy. Bed of Roses gets an A+. Is it any wonder? Nope. Perfection on the page. Amazing. Two books into the series and I've loved them both.

I confess that I wasn't as eager to read about Laurel and Del as I had been to read about Mac or Emma. Laurel was my least favorite of quartet when I started the series, and she was my least favorite when I finished her book. Maybe it's me. I'm not a big fan of the whole "I'm in love with my best friend/best friend's brother/childhood best friend" thing to begin with. That didn't help. Yes, yes. I realize that Jack and Emma knew each other. I realize that Mac and Carter knew each other. But, they knew each other through other people. They didn't grow up together! Point made. Different strokes/Different folks. Onward!

In a general (and very short) synopsis: Delaney is the honorary big brother of Laurel, Emma, and Mac; he is also the biological big brother of event planner Parker. Laurel has been in love with him for what seems like forever. The dynamic of their relationship changes during an argument when (drum roll puh-leez) a passionate kiss is shared. Del doesn’t know what to do about it. Laurel wants to pretend it never happened. Del and Laurel begin to date. Seeing as how Laurel is already in love with Del, she waits patiently on him to catch up. Del temporarily ruins things by being a stubborn ass. He makes it up to Laurel. Bring on the happily ever after. Yay!

I can't fault the storytelling. Nora Roberts tells a wonderful tale, no exception to that is found in Savor the Moment. (click here for Amazon) I love her writing style. It’s crisp and descriptive and lyrical. She's good at providing background information without stinting the flow of events. She always gives insight into her characters; they make sense. I really enjoy the little details she gives her readers about the character's profession. I actually like to know how Emma arranges her flowers; how Mac knows which shot is perfect for the bride and groom. I don't enjoy knowing how Laurel makes her fondant any less than I enjoyed the flowers or the photos. These are the slices of life that make the characters believable. Laurel, in every sense, is organic and likable. She’s tough. She stands up for herself and the people she loves. She’s sarcastic. Let it be said that sarcasm is always a plus in my mind. Del is just as organic and likable as Laurel. On his own I think he's pretty great: gorgeous, loyal, successful. I wouldn’t say no to that. So what if he fumbled the ball with Laurel a little? That's a given. He has testicles doesn't he? They fumble. The real problem is that I don't like them together. Uh-huh. That's the problem in a nutshell. I don't like Delaney and Laurel as a couple. Honestly...if I don't like the couple how can I love the book?

Final Grade: B.

After thought: I’m very excited about Parker’s book coming in November. Hello? Do you guys remember Mal? Sweet baby butter Jesus. He’s a cocky mechanic. Who doesn’t want a gorgeous sweaty guy under the hood of their car? I love him already. I haven’t even read his book yet and I’m making room for him on my “KEEPER” shelf. Yum.

Lisa Kleypas=Historical. Romance. Perfection.

Everyone who knows me knows that I love historical romances in a way that I don't extend to any other genre. I have a deep and abiding love for historicals that can't be topped; regardless of attempts to broaden my reading horizons, I always return to my literary roots. In garnering the knowledge that I love a well written happily ever after like I love nothing else, people also know that I think Lisa Kleypas quite possibly writes the perfect historical romance. I refused to read another Kleypas novel after I struggled with (and abandoned) my first: Blue Eyed Devil. Although I hate to admit it, I was woefully late to the L.K. party. At the urging of a friend I picked up Again the Magic and conceded that maybe I had passed judgment too soon. I still stand by my first impression of B.E.D. I'm sorry, but I still think its rubbish, especially when compared to her historical novels. Hand me a historical Kleypas and I promise not to bother you for at least two hours. How do I know it's true love? I've never started reading one of her historicals and stopped reading before I was finished. Wallflowers? Love 'em. Bow Street Runners? On the "KEEPER" wall. Where Dreams Begin? Check. Suddenly You? Check. Then Came You? Dreaming of You? Check, Check. Hathaways? All present and accounted for on said "KEEPER" wall.

I actually just finished reading the last two novels in the Hathaways series. Forgive me for staying up all night falling in love with men who don't exist and wishing that women who don't exist would hand over their husbands and still be my friends. Married by Morning is suitably perched on a pedestal with Mine till Midnight as one of my favorite go-to novels when I need a romantic pick-me-up or an escape from my romance-less existence. I wondered for a long time if I would ever find a hero on par with Race from Cherish by Catherine Anderson. He was the top of the line for me. I've read Cherish at least a hundred times because I love him. Race is tall, dark, gentle, well endowed, handsome, funny. He loves his dog. That means he's the one. Then I met Cam. Cam has that sexy earring, he's a gypsy. He's smart, he can fight, he's rich, he's funny. Did I mention that he's a sexy gypsy? Race and Cam. (sigh) What more does a girl need?

Leo. Apparently, I need Leo, Lord Ramsay. Cam and Race and Leo. Perfect. All my wonderful trio needs to do now is: 1) become real; 2) forget about those pesky wives from the books; 3) move into my bedroom; 4) walk around at least half naked at all times; 5) fall madly in love with me. Wait. I'm forgetting. Throw in Harry Rutledge, Derek Craven, Matthew Swift, and Simon Hunt. We'll make our fearsome foursome into an octet. (gasp) Scandalous!

I loved Married by Morning. (for Amazon click here) Really, I did. Here I was, expecting M.b.M to be my least favorite of the Hathaways series. I was wrong in a big way. Leo and Catherine are among my favorite couples. As I've come to expect from L.K. the story is tender and funny and real enough to make a person jealous and hopeful at the same time. I think it's a rare gift from the literary gods to find an author who makes you fall in love with their characters, over and over again, no exceptions. There is a lot of humor and bickering. I'm a fan of couples who aren't corn-on-the-cob or saccharine. Leo is a wicked rake; Catherine is stubborn with a sharp tongue. They argue and fling clever insults at each other for pretty much the entire time. I love the questions that Leo asks Cat after their stolen kisses. Hilarious. Read the damn book, you'll know what I'm talking about. Their story made me happy. Suffice it to say (before I ramble on for days about how much I am utterly and helplessly in love with Leo) that this book is excellent.

Final Grade: A.

Love in the Afternoon (and here) is also really good. Beatrix was the character I couldn't wait to read about. What kind of man would she fall for? Would I love this hero as much as I love all the other Kleypas heroes? Yes. And no. This book simultaneously centers around the effects of war and the developing romance. I can't say that I have personal experience with a soldier just out of combat because it would be a lie. Christopher is fractured and tormented; he's plagued by a disease they didn't have a name for and didn't talk about. He isn't sure what type of man he is anymore. Beatrix is perfectly suited to a man with a ton of emotional baggage. Her soldier came back to her broken. She's determined to heal him. The storyline works and it made this novel more realistic to me. You know? Less of a fluffy read. L.K.'s signature humor is there, as is the tenderness, but the hero in this one isn't hurt because of a lost love or a bad childhood, he's wounded because he spent two years dodging death and burying his friends. I cried a little, but I'm a weenie when it comes to love.

Final Grade: A.

Everyone who has even a mediocre fondness for historical romance should read these two. Well, okay. I can't give you that advice because it isn't sound to read a series out of order. So read all five books. Do it.

I can feel you waiting...

Not going to give up are you? That's fine. I'll admit it. My name is Gray and (pausepausepause) I'm addicted to L.K.'s historical novel heroes.